The Death of Faith

In a recent post, Micah Murray from Redemption Pictures wrote a letter to Christianity.  In it he asks pointed questions of the faith, regarding his own pain and sorrow at the hands of the faithful.

How is that when I find the beginning of the brokenness that inflicts my soul, I see YOUR face?  How is it that when I finally isolate the lie that has brought so much emptiness and exhaustion to my life, I hear YOUR voice?  How is it that when I recognize the shame that has tried to destroy me, I see YOUR fingerprints all over it?

How indeed?

I spent all of my life in the same church and it fucked me up something fierce: Complex-PTSD symptoms, depression, “Pure-O” OCD, anxiety, confusion, rage… It’s like my brain is just busted.

It doesn’t work anymore. It’s as if I had these slots for ideas like God or sin or Truth or The Bible and the crap that I was taught has calcified and hardened and I cannot think about any of those topics outside of that context.

It’s left me a adrift and alone, frozen in my madness. I want to believe that God loves me. I want to believe in some transcendental Truth, a truth that gives me hope and joy, but I can’t anymore.

My belief, such as it was, has died within me.

(featured image source)

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2 thoughts on “The Death of Faith

  1. “Because you are not perfect, you deserve punishment instead of love. ”

    Actually God is really saying with the entire bible “Yes I know you aren’t perfect. And I know you never will be because of sin. I knew all along before the world was created that you would never be able to be perfect and save yourselves. So I’m sending Jesus to take your punishment. He’s going to come to earth, and he’s going to be perfect and not sin, and he’s going to take all the sin of the world on him and atone for it forever. So all those debts, all that “punishment”, he’s taking it for you. So if you believe in Jesus, your sins are all atoned for.

    So yes you aren’t perfect, and yes your sins deserve punishment because nothing you do alone can atone for them. But I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING so I have sent Jesus to make that atonement. Because I adore you more than any jewels or treasures that I created in this world. I want you more than anything. I gave you choice, so you can choose to love me or to reject me. But if you choose me, there is NOTHING that can separate us or keep us apart. If you believe in me, your sins are paid for, your debt is paid.

    You don’t have to worry about being perfect, just believe in me. I have always loved you more than you can imagine. I’ll always be here by your side, always with you. I’ll be right here waiting for you if you don’t believe in me.”

    Whoa that got long, sorry, I saw that quote in that link and it broke my heart and I couldn’t stop typing.

    Like

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