Soundtrack of a Castaway – Introduction

Music is the language of divinity. It’s the poetry of eternity. It communicates on levels that go beyond the conscious; swirling in eddies and currents complex and beautiful.

As I’ve dealt with the depression and anxiety that flows from being raised in and leaving an abusive church, music has been a major source of comfort and challenge for me. It has given words to what I intuit and feel down deep. It’s helped me see that there is a greater, wider realm beyond the shit world that those assholes wanted to fashion for me.

While leaving a spiritually abusive group is preferable to staying within it, its hard to leave an environment that you’ve grown up in, especially if that’s all you’ve ever known.  The incidents and incidentals that can send you into downward spirals of darkness and madness are fairly limitless and random.  It’s disconcerting to have gone to church every Sunday for 30 years, only to find that church is the last place where you want to be.  It’s hard identifying as a Christian all your life, only to find that much of what passes as Christianity is repugnant to you.  While there is an excitement in finding your own way, its also lonely and terrifying.

Christians and Christianity will preach the Good News of the Gospel, but it all rings hollow when all you can see is a god of “holy fucking wrath“, even when you desperately want a God of love.  The message of free grace becomes a source of distrust and cynicism when the old bait-and-switch is pulled.  Turns out there is a price to pay after-all.

Over the next few weeks I will be posting a series of 18 songs that I feel communicate the ups and downs of this religious castaway.  It is by no means a complete expression of everything that I’ve experienced or felt and believed, but perhaps it can help any fellow castaways who read it.

Soundtrack of a Castaway:

Let It Go
Shatter Me
Bring Me to Life
Beautiful Pain
Take Me To Church
Ironwing
If I Had a Heart
Demons
Lost in Paradise
Doubting Thomas
The Silence of God
Che Valiers De Sangreal
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
The Love of God
Land of the Living
The Last Goodbye
Into the West
Angel with a Shotgun

(featured image source)

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